My future is a little uncertain right now.
For the past couple of years, I have planned on continuing on to M.A. in Publishing program at PSU after graduating. But after finishing up this school year, I'm not so sure I want to do that. There are two reasons.
First, the school. While I've had a couple of really great profs at PSU, the remaining have not been so outstanding. In fact, I've had better instruction at community colleges. I'm having a really hard time with the knowledge that I'm paying for a lot more but getting a lot less. And it's not like PSU is a bad school! According to this info sheet, the school is acclaimed for being one of the best when it comes to transfer students, service to the community and green practices. But the English department seems to be somewhat ordinary, at times mediocre, which breaks my heart. I want to learn. I want to be challenged to think outside of my comfort zone, something that has only happened once or twice last year. I don't know, maybe this next year will be better. I have a very challenging fall quarter coming up and fully plan on diving in with all that I have.
Second, Portland. My beautiful city. My gorgeous, temperate, friendly, walkable, green city. I don't want to leave. I've lived in this area all of my life. My family is here. My friends are here. Fantastic food and beer and snacks and food carts are here. Unfortunately, the jobs are not here. The creative types flock to Portland in search of fantastic jobs, jobs the city doesn't have, and they're stuck pulling espresso shots and dishing out drinks from behind the bar. And I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when I graduate, I'll have just as hard of a time landing a job as I am now (because I'm trying. Really, I'm trying). I'm afraid that my sweet husband will be stuck working in a place he hates just so he can have the health insurance he needs to take care of a damn expensive disease he can't get rid of. I'm afraid I'll be stuck delivering papers for who knows how long when all I really want to do is edit them.
I know I've mentioned before that I have big dreams of moving to Scotland (or to Europe in general) but I have to be somewhat realistic about it. That won't happen anytime soon, no matter how hard I hope and wish and pray (in my own special way).
I still want to edit like nobody's business, but I don't know if I can stay where I am to accomplish that. I suppose time will tell. I do know that I have been mopey, unresponsive and insecure about what exactly it is I want to do and where exactly I want to do it.